ARRRGH--Broody chicken!

Small prelude: when chickens go broody, they stay on the nest all day and night, and leave it once a day to eat and poop...consequently the poop is a MASSIVE one. Now on to the story...


I have been seeing a massive poop on my back porch for about 2 weeks now, which means a chicken has gone broody OUTSIDE of the coop (a couple of them have figured out how to fly-climb out of the coop, using wood struts to get them over).

Now, I do NOT need more chicks, so, I have searched the entire yard trying to find this darn hen and her eggs--around the fence line where the grass is tall, behind the wood pile, under the redwood trees on the far edge of the lawn...NOTHING.

So, today when I actually saw her on the porch, I decided to follow her...do you know how boring it is waiting for a chicken to return to her nest? I'm sure she figured out I was watching, so she took her own sweet time (and mine!) returning.
I had just about given up because she walked to the FRONT porch (our
yard is weird) and was walking around there, with no signs that she was gonna go out and get on her nest...she started nosing (or would that be beaking?) around under the trailing edges of a planter MASSIVELY overgrown with mint...suddenly, she disappeared!

I spread the mint plant apart, and there in the center, lo and behold, the chicken!

And about 20 eggs!!!!

So she's had her nest right on the front porch THIS WHOLE TIME, and here I am, searching all the far corners of the yard [thunks head]!

I can't pull the eggs, since they're gonna hatch any day now...not counting
my chickens before they hatch, but I am now waitng for about a dozen and a half chicks to be running around the yard...

Anyone want a chick or two?

Note to self: Next time, search closer!

More on the Shakiness

One thing about this shakiness: it feels like my whole nervous system, not just my hands...it manifests itself in my hands, but it's kind of like if you whack a stick in the middle, the vibrations go all the way down, and increase as they reach the ends...

This, combined with the dizziness, is really making me want to cut. I'm reining the urge in as hard as I can, though, because I know EVERYONE around me will freak, and probably take me off the steroids immediately. But...

nnnnn... cutting... control...


nope, nope, nothing to see here, I didn't say this, didn't happen, nope nope nope...

Baby cornsnakes!

Woo!
11 little spaghetti strings...several already all hissing and striking, as if they were real snakes, heh.

Dizzy

Okay, this dizziness is really driving me crazy. I know I *just* complained about it a few days ago, but considering how bad it's gotten, it bears repeating.

DIZZY                                 DIZZY
                  DIZZY
                             ~.,~-"`~
                                                                            DIZZY

DIZZY



DI            Z  Z     Y             D   I   Z   z        Y                    d       i  Z        ZZ       Y

Side Effects

Well, I've been on the budosenide for 3 weeks now, and things are not really getting better...the side effects of the steroids are *almost* overwhelming (if they were overwhelming, then I'd get off of them pronto...):

The shaky hands thing is what's really getting to me--that, and the dizziness/short of breath/if you stand up or move too fast you are going to pass out...

Shaky hands make for difficult typing. I find I have to curl my fingers under and use my knuckles for control when I am trying to use my trackball...

Dizziness makes for scary moments of the Oh-shit-I-am-going-to-pass-out variety. I find I either have to sit down abruptly (which really sucks when you're in the chicken coop!) or lean on something until the wave passes and I can move (SLOWLY!) again.

Short of breath is scary because I don't really seem to be doing all that much when I start having to gasp for air. Just talking on the phone or carrying in a load of laundry is enough to do it--I can't lift ANYTHING and this has added more reasons to why I don't drive anywhere.

Actually, the shakiness isn't just in my hands--it seems to be stemming practically from my spine and going down all my limbs. Can you say "NOT FUN!!!"?

The worst part of all this? My UC does not seem to be getting better. I'm still experiencing the urgency, the frequency, and the PAIN. I've had friends say, "Why don't you just wear Depends or something when you go out, instead of staying at home?"
Well, we're not talking about a tiny amount, here, and we're not talking about solids. I am not about to go somewhere and risk having an accident, Depends or not! Just HOW would I clean myself up in a public restroom? I can't exactly stand at the sink in my altogether, washing myself down... I would much rather stay home, near my own private facilities, thank you. Even visiting friends is scary, because what if I have to use their bathroom? It's not like a wave hits and is over--sometimes it's 10 minutes of pain and blood and spasms...then yeah, I want to go out and talk more with someone after that, right.
Frankly all I want to do after an episode is curl up into a little ball and cry...and at home, I feel free to do that.
This weekend should be interesting, since we are going to try to go to a Crohn's-Colitis Patient/Family Symposium in Sacramento on Saturday: 2 hour drive, 6 hour event, 2 hour drive back. I dunno about this...but if anyone is going to be understanding, it'll be this group of people.
Sigh.

ARRRGH--Broody chicken!

(small prelude: Some of you know this--when chickens go broody, they stay on the nest all day and night, and leave it once a day to eat and poop...consequently the poop is a MASSIVE one. Now on to the story.)


I have been seeing a massive poop on my back porch for about 2 weeks now, which means a chicken has gone broody OUTSIDE of the coop (a couple of htem have figured out how to fly-climb out of the coop, using wood struts to get htem over).

Now, I do NOT need more chicks, so I have searched the entire yard trying to find this darn hen and her eggs--around the fence line where the grass is tall, behind the wood pile, under the redwood trees on the far edge of the lawn...NOTHING.

So, today when I actually saw her on the porch, I decided to follow her...do you know how boring it is waiting for a chicken to return to her nest? I'm sure she figured out I was watching, so she took her own sweet time (and mine!) returning.
I had just about given up because she walked to the FRONT porch (our yard is weird) and was walking around there, with no signs that she was gonna go out and get on her nest...she started nosing (or would that be beaking?) around under the trailing edges of a planter MASSIVELY overgrown with mint...suddenly, she disappeared!

I spread the mint plant apart, and there in the center, lo and behold, a chicken!

And about 20 eggs!!!!

So she's had her nest right on the front porch THIS WHOLE TIME, and here I am, searching all the far corners of the yard [thunks head]!

It's a little much to hope that the eggs will hatch in time for me to bring chicks to the potluck, sigh.


Note to self: Next time search closer.

Second note to self: Trim mint and bring to potluck. Heh. Mint tea anyone?

-cobalt

Momma's home.

I just talked to her about 2 hours ago--she's back in her nest, with a new medication, and a horde of small dogs that are so happy she's back in her nest. :-)
Apparently it wasn't a stroke--it was a TIA, or transient ischemic attack. A TIA "is a short-lived temporary impairment of the brain caused by loss of blood supply" which sounds really damn scary, but it doesn't do as much damage as a full-on stroke. http://www.medicinenet.com/stroke/index.htm

So she's quitting smoking...YAY!

whew.

I just talked to my Mom...

And she sounds good. A little teeny bit slurry, but she said that she was actually able to eat with her right hand...she wants to go home tomorrow (of course!) but the drs will probably keep her for a few days.
It was amazingly hard to get her to talk about what happened--she kept asking me about ME and how I am doing!
I asked another question about how she was every time she tried to get the conversation onto me, and FINALLY she told me about what happened.
What she described was a lot worse than Amber had made it seem--Momma said she was curling her hair when she got dizzy...when she tried to walk into the bedroom, she couldn't get her body to walk straight but instead kept peeling off to the left.
When she reached the bed, she couldn't climb in, but kind of fell in instead. Amber just happened to call at that time, thank goodness, and when momma reached for the phnoe, she couldn't push the on button with her right hand. She said she could see the button, and see her hand, but she couldn't get her hand over to the button.
Scary.
When I mentioned that TTK wanted us to fly down immediately, she told me "Absolutely not. There's no need."
I agreed, saying that I would rather come down and see her when she was NOT in the hospital.

She got to have an MRI, which I told her is like "Having a band play african drum rhythms on the outside of a trash can--while your head is IN the trash can."
That got a laugh. :-)
I am going to call amber tomorrow and get an update.

Scariness.

My mom just had a stroke.

My siser called me 2 minutes ago to tell me they're at the ER...but that momma is mostly ok.
My sis had called my mom to make plans to go shopping, and momma was slurring and complained of being dizzy. Amber called my aunt Nyla immediately (Nyla's a PA) and told her...Nyla called momma, then called Amber back (A was already in the car by this time, heading over there) and said "ER. Now."

The Drs confirmed it was a stroke, and though she was feelig better, they are keeping her for a few days to run some tests as it's very likely it could happen again in the next few days.

Momma is having trouble with her right side movement, but is lucid and already acting like it's no big deal.
I told Amber "Do NOT let her pretend nothing happened! You know how she is..."
Amber agreed, and said momma was already telling her to fix some lunch, go get gas in your car, etc. before she agreed to go to the hospital.

I want to move down there...I miss my momma and want to be near her.
This really scared me. I go now to check on airline flights and pack an overnight bag, just in case.

Short?

strange note: TTK is sitting next to me, programming, and I heard him mutter "short testicle zero."
?
I asked him WHAT he just said, and he looked at me from waaaay back in his brain as he tried to come back to humanland and translate what I said...then he answered "short test equals zero."
I started cracking up and told him to mutter it, very fast...he did, bemused, and shook his head like "what?" so I told him what I thought I had heard...heh.

I Hate This.

Okay, I hate this.
Side effects? I don't know.
But, I'm dizzy. REALLY dizzy, and when I stand up or bend over I feel like I am going to pass out. This is not just today, either--it's happened several times in the past few weeks.
Another thing is my hands are shaking. You know when you've had so much caffeine that you can berely type?
THAT kind of hand shaking, although add a complete lack of hand strength in there as well.
I don't like this!
I keep hitting the F keys on the top of my keyboard by mistake, and Apple has them all mapped to some really weird behaviours, like all the windows retreat off the edges of the screen, including the active window, so all of a sudden you're staring at your desktop picture. Then I have to figure out which one I hit and hit it again, to revert.
Another side effect which is just *delightful* is I've been having night sweats. Serious, soaked to the skin wake up freezing night sweats. ICK!
I've also taken to sleeping on the couch because ttk's cat Needles, the old decrepit thing, has developed this new technique of cruising the bed, in order to avoid Fancy. (she's blind as a bat, and if she gets too close to Fancy Fancy will explode from under the covers in a loud high-pitched yapping lunge, to keep from getting stepped on.) So now Needles makes her way from the foot of the bed along the very edge, my edge, and then proceeds to walk across my face, throat, or forehead, to get to ttk. She then walks across HIS face to get to his chest. Mind you, she's doing this 4-5 times a night as she's gotten really restless in her ancientness. And every time she wakes me up, often when I've barely gotten to sleep (another side effect is I've been unable to sleep for more than 3 hours--I finally took a Klonopin last night and actually SLEPT for 9 hours!)


Other news: Fancy found a loose board on the back fence and was busily trying to pry it up so she could get into the neighbor's yard and die. Can you say "little brain?" When ttk got home yesterday evening, we walked the fence line and boarded up any holes or loose spots we could find.

We have a bunch of shares or MPWR stock, which we've been trying to get AWAY from Merrill Lynch and to our new brokerage (cf 2 posts ago) so we could sell some...it finally made it over Monday, so we sold a huge chunk at $14 a share...then Tuesday it shot up to $18 a share. Of course!
No use counting chickens and all that, but I was still pretty irritated with our crappy timing. Since I'm pretty much irritated at everything right now, that's not saying much, but still it would have been nice to have that extra $4 a share...

More later--I seem to have gotten back into the desire to post...

Update. Tme for An Update.

Okay, I've been remiss in posting...the main reason I keep this is so I can remember what happened a year ago in my life--my brain is that bad. So, every once in a while I have to do one of these "summary" posts...


•Health: I am now on oral steroids as of yesterday--My current condition is acute Ulcerative Colitis in my descending colon--8 inches. My doctor was hesitant since I have had a psychotic break from steroids in the past, but it's either steroids or Remicaide. I begged for steroids...first he would only give me the dreaded E-word type (with the non-oral method of entry...) but I've been on those for 4 weeks now with no improvement. In fact, i would say that the pain level has INCREASED.
So now, with the orals, we're watching my mental condition carefully so if I start into psychosis, we can taper me off and get me help. I've only had a few reactions to the e-steroids: inability to sleep and some tension. TTK is a little gunshy and is checking me constantly to see if I am going insane...it's a *bit* irritating, but nothing I can't handle.

I'm still pretty much housebound, as well--if I'm not on pain medication, I'm too incapacitated to drive, and if I am on pain medication, I'm too incapacitated to drive. Plus, the thought of dealing with public bathrooms while I'm in this condition TERRIFIES and HORRIFIES me.

•School: I've dropped all of my classes, for obvious reasons. I hope to pick back up next fall.

•Home: About 3 weeks ago, we met with a realtor. And a loan agent. We're hopeful, but until I can get out of the house reliably, we haven't looked at any houses. We're pretty hopeful we will find something we can afford. WHEN is the question, of course.

•Other; I'm sure there's other categories I should be updating on, but I figure I'll just amend this post when my brain kicks out another thought.


We were planning on coming down to SoCal for Anson's bday, but my system just isn't going to let me go anywhere yet.

I am SO FUCKING PISSED!

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MERRILL LYNCH!!

We have been trying to close our accounts there since February and since there's a big chunk of stock there, they are not being responsive or cooperative at all!
THe latest reason they are refusing to transfer it is that there is an annual account fee...that just appeared in April.
FUCKERS!

I called them today---they wouldn't even honor the requests of our new accounts firm, so I had to call them, AGAIN.
I started out nicely, but as more and more refusals piled up, I lost my temper...while I didn't exactly yell, I got very unpleasant. I told them "I am no longer being nice--I've tried this for 3 months by being nice, and now I am pissed."

At one point, she put me on hold, to "check if the fee could be waived." When she got back, she said it couldn't be removed.
That's when I lost my shit. I started ranting, and said "I WANT MY MONEY OUT OF YOUR HANDS NOW. Am I going to have to file a lawsuit to get you to let go of my money?"

She got very calm and said she needed to speak to her supervisor Amin and she would have him call me back.
I said WHEN. She said, as soon as he's off the phone.

so now I am sitting here, brooding, pissed, furious, tense, and hungry.

-----
update:

Poor little Naly (the hapless woman who answered the phone and made the mistake of saying "She's on the phone right now. Is there something I can help you with?" when I asked for Michelle) did NOT call me back. Nor did the supervisor.

Instead, Michelle called me, all professional...


The 65 debit is erased.
The MPWR is being transferred.
The account will be closed within the week.


And all I had to do was be an utter ***** and ask if I had to initiate a lawsuit to get my money out of their hands, and tell him that the account fee was ridiculous since we have been trying to get our account moved for 3 months now.


Steroids are good for something, eh?

Frankly, I hate this agro bullshit. It's nice to know, though, that I can channel my dad when I need to.

Sigh.

I haven't posted for a while...

Basically, I'm scared.

This health thing has gone on too long, the doctors can't seem to fix it, and I can't leave the house without utter and total fear of having an accident in public.

Way too much blood and pain. EVERY DAY.

I'm exhausted all of the time (gee, I wonder why /sarcasm) and we have all of these plans for the future that don't really allow for so much volatility in my schedule. I mean, really, how are we supposed to go out looking at houses with this going on? I have enough trouble going in public bathrooms, can you imagine having to use the bathroom at a house for sale?

I don't want to die from this. But the fact is, I probably will. If not this round, then the next time they can't suppress my immune system and get my body to stop attacking itself.

Steriods have been suggested, but I go insane on steroids. Right now it's sort of, steroids, or Imuran?

Insane, or so immune-suppressed that a simple cold could kill me?
I think we're going to opt for the insanity, but that means my life will have to be put on hold.
I just can't picture shopping for a house while out of my mind on steroids...although, I might be great at the bargaining table...

Childhood Memories...

When I was at camp, we sang this song:

now we are marching,
down to the gallows
Step by step
we now approach our doom.

Somewhere tomorrow,
we will be lying
bodies stacked up
bloody cold and dead.

The sunlight is fading,
the gallows are waiting
Oh, oh, oh, oh
the gallows overhead!

(scream)

The Best Invitation I've had in Years...

"Hey, you wanna come to New Mexico for Christmas and slaughter a goat?"

hehehehehe!

This was from a friend of TTK's...

I find it wildly humorous that it occurred to his friend that we might be interested in this...
shows you that TTK talks a lot about me and my whole "homestead thing" I've got going.

TTK asked me this on the phone a few minutes ago...I don't know what TTK was expecting, but how many people do you know whose reaction to being invited to slaughter is to start cracking up?

"Hey mom, sorry I can't come for Christmas...I'm going to go to TTK's friend's house, and kill a goat."

Wow. He said that his friend's family is huge [jealous pang] and that he'll just pass us off as distant cousins.

My current bout of insanely painful and humiliating (more on this in a less cheerful post) colitis better be over by then!

If we're lucky, there will be so many people to feed that we'll get to kill a pig, too.
I already know how to process a chicken...

You're still here?

What, still checking to see if I've written anything else?
or if I'm alive?


I'm still alive, mostly.

I think animals have it right--winter is hibernation/brumation time.

Trying to function, to smile at people, converse, be nice,
trying to get laundry done, bills paid, homework done,
trying to get to class, to the store, to the post office,
is all just way too fucking difficult right now.

This is not the world's cheeriest entry...
I just had to drop my CSS class because I keep missing it--I'm taking it online, and the live class is from 10-12. You'd think I could make a 10:00 class that meets AT MY COMPUTER, but I can't seem to. So I dropped it.
I'm really bummed out about it, though, more than I thought I would be.
I guess it's that whole not wanting to admit I can't do what I think I can do thing--ever since the brain surgery this has bounded my life. I am constantly having to stop and ask myself if this is going to overload me.

What's really overloading me this semester, though, is the "Coping Strategies for Brain Injured People" or some such thing. It's like group therapy twice a week, all talking and sharing and positive outlook shit. Just WAAAYYY too much social interaction for me.
I resent it, and the energy it pulls out of me, that I then don't have for my other classes.
Yes, to be fair, I am learning a lot, but I'd rather be coding.

Like yesterday's class--it was supposed to be about learning to manage stress. Instead, the message was we could CHOOSE to be stressed out about something, or CHOOSE not to.
Basically, it's all in your head, kiddies, just choose to be calm and it'll all go away.
Oh, yeah, that works.

While I am CHOOSING not to have a stress reaction, why don't I also choose not to have a brain injury? I know! I'll choose not to have ulcerative colitis, too!
And migraines, all in your head, right?
Wow, I like that house right there--I think I'll CHOOSE to live there!
Hmmm. I don't seem to be managing my stress very well, I wonder why?

Interlude #190

him: BRRRAAAP!

me: So much for your "one cheek sneak"...

him: No, I wasn't even trying for the "one cheek sneak"--that was more of a "two-ball burble."

me: AAAA [buries face in shirt]

him: I made you lose your shit!

me: Just don't lose yours!

woo! Baby kingsnakes...

I just peeked in the incubator to see a little black string go sliding under the container full of kingsnake eggs...yay!

A baby mexican black kingsnake just hatched! A second egg is pipped and the baby inside is resting and absorbing his yolk.
Weird thing is, two eggs had hatched fully, but I only found one baby--and it wasn't all fat and full as if it had eaten the other one, either.
Theories abound: perhaps it got out through one of the vent holes in the incubator's underside.
Perhaps I didn't get hte lid on fully last I checked the eggs, and it crawled out.

Finding the little bugger will not be fun--that room is too full of hiding places that would fit something that can curl up as small as the chunk of silly putty that comes in that little plastic egg...


-------
update: The pipped one finally decided it was time to greet the world...

Heh. TV.

It's been so long since I've watched TV that I have no idea where the remote is.
We have a long pink ribbon tied to it, too, so we don't lose it in the couch.

IN OTHER WORDS....

I FINISHED!!!!

Final projects are in, exams are taken, everything is done until next year.

whew :thud: