Monday, June 26, 2006

In Memoriam

Fizzbinn, my sweet little old man, goodbye.
Sleep well.
I don't know how your nose got crooked--looked as if you had had your face shut in an door or something.
You would have these funny little moments where you'd be running around playing, then freeze in place, totally stiff, then *clamp* on whoever or whatever was near you. And boy, could you bite! Very much into biting the top of my feet, so I always had to move fast when I saw you lock up.
5 years you shared with me. I'm so sorry three of them had to be in this crappy little house, with much less room to roam.
You were the first ferret I have ever known who would eat a pinkie first, both you and Az would take the pinkie from me and go hide it somewhere (then I got to find it before it went nasty), but when Az was still hiding hers you started actually eating yours. The past year you started eating them so fast that you'd make yourself sick, so I stopped giving them to you. You still glutted yourself on Bob's Chicken Gravy, all the way up until the end. TTK fed you a small dish of warm food for breakfast, and held you up so you could eat since your back legs were completely unstable.
Despite daily feedings you shrunk away to skin and bones (could I have done more? Oh, always the guilt must gnaw), and I'm so sorry I didn't take you in for the gentle death sooner--I didn't want you to suffer but I couldn't let go and I know doing this was the right thing, but still I miss you.
Fizzbinn, what is Atlantis going to do without you?
We put you in the same cairn as Azrael and Fatboy...when Atlantis follows you (as I know he will, and soon, because he almost doesn't remember when you weren't there) I will put you all in a bigger space so you all will fit. I didn't worry about you fitting, although Fatboy was pretty big--you had wasted away so far you were like a little skeleton.
I saw your spirit go away, watched it in your eyes and felt your heart beat once more, then nothing. I thanked the vet for helping us give you such a gentle death, surrounded by your loved ones and all warm and snuggly in a fleece blanket.
Goodbye sweet Fizz.

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