Monday, March 17, 2008


It's been more than 10 years, and I still love him so fucking much it hurts.
We have a deal that I die first--he's not allowed to leave me on this rotting planet alone.

...considering my piss-poor health, it's not going to be too hard for him to outlive me, unless he dies in a fiery crash because of this damn commute that we thought would only be for a year or so until he found a job closer to home, but that has turned out to be 4 YEARS...

...and yes, damn this fucked up cerebellum--I've been awake all night AGAIN.

I've been in a piss-poor mood all weekend, a mood which I decided that I would not inflict upon the few friends I do have, so all sorts of phone calls and emails are owed to the people I've left hanging. I even need to apologize to our real-estate ladies, because we met with them on short notice on Saturday, and I was in such an unpleasant state that I don't doubt for a second that I was difficult to be around. I even let slip my utter disgust for humans--I got to talking about reptiles and how many neglected and dying animals I have rescued from people who would rather let their kid's pet die, and just replace it, because it was just a "five dollar turtle."
but I digress. Of course.
Love was what prompted this post. Sad that hate should end it.
It's hard to feel loving and not irritated when he starts snoring enough to scatter his piles of mammals that suck up his warmth at night...right now even the old "elbow in the spine" trick is not working--if anything the snoring deepens.
Sigh. Love. Love. Love is a good thing [snooooore].

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